Dockside Slumber Party with Judy Jetson

With our club’s Founders’ Day weekend activities scheduled into the wee hours Friday night and then resuming first thing Saturday morning with a  unique pancake breakfast, I decided to combine adventure with practicality and plan my first sleepover on Central Air. As with all else, a lot of planning (aka ‘over-thinking’ and ‘agonizing’) went into the weekend preparations. On my annual girly hiking and tent-camping trips, my responsibilities are usually limited to just showing up with a sleeping bag and some DEET. For this sleep-aboard adventure, on the other hand, I would be solely responsible for the planning and production of it, and there was a lot to consider:

• What sleeping attire and gear would I need in order to be sufficiently warm?
• What would it be like to have only a flashlight and some stick-on tap-lights for illumination?!
• Heaven forbid, would the discovery of a spider inside the cabin give me no choice but to abort the entire mission at 2 AM?
• And, nearly as important as the bug question, what would I do about making/finding/drinking GOOD COFFEE on Saturday morning?

To be perfectly candid, it has been my fear of bugs -- or, more specifically -- my fear of being alone in the dark with bugs that has kept me from staying overnight on my boat. To mitigate risk, a key part of my plan was to make sure I arrived at the boat Friday evening before dusk in order to perform what I like to call “a sweep of the area.” With my can of garden-fresh-scent-RAID in one hand and my bug-zapper-tennis-racket in the other, I took care of business (gratuitous entomological violence omitted) outside the boat, and I set up the v-berth with my sleeping bag, pillows, and blanket. I closed the boat up tightly before I left to attend the campfire social event so that nothing could get in while I was out. When my dog Judy Jetson and I returned at 10ish/11ish to go beddy-bye, I made one more sweep (oh! what carnage!) and buttoned the boat up tightly again, this time with Judy Jetson and I tucked inside.

The quiet! The darkness! It was SO strange to me! First, I found designated locations within arm’s reach of the v-berth to keep the essentials handy in the dark: glasses, flashlight, iPod, garden-fresh-scent-RAID, and bug-zapper-tennis-racket. Judy Jetson seemed comfy in the v-berth with me, but I could tell that she too was a little disoriented by the accommodations… the lack of a television flickering and murmuring nearby, for example. (I consider the TV to be my roommate, for pity’s sake.) With the lack of television, I instinctively reached for my iPod and my Kindle (I had brought both with me, of course), but then I realized how ridiculous a notion that was, since, after all, the whole point of ‘getting away’ is to actually ‘get away.’ I can’t say that I slept soundly all night long (nor did Judy, which made me nervous like she was Lassie signaling danger to me or something), but I think that additional practice will make for a perfect night’s sleep for both of us. It was plenty cozy in the v-berth, and I didn’t even need the wool blanket I brought just in case. The air was fresh and cool, and I wish the boat had bobbed even a little more than it did, to provide a more authentic ‘sleeping on a boat’ experience. I awoke Saturday morning with the thought, “I did it!” followed immediately by “Why have I not done this every weekend this summer?!” It was a delightful experience – relaxing and with just enough adventure to keep me from feeling too lonely. (Note: I am not wishing for more bugs. Bugs do NOT count as ‘company!’)

As for the ‘good coffee’ part, it was unfortunate that the pancake-slinging caterer’s coffee was

THE.WORST.COFFEE.EVER.

He even had that hork-inducing non-dairy creamer crap to go with it. Gag me with a little plastic stir stick! My coffee requirement was satisfied later in the morning with an emergency visit to a nearby Speedway, where a fresh pot was being brewed just as I arrived. Crisis -- and lingering crankyness -- averted.

I am making plans for one more weekend aboard Central Air before we call it a season. I’ll bring the wool blanket again, just in case, and I picked up a Kenyon Express II butane stove at West Marine to boil water for some not-yet-determined version of camping coffee (with Speedway coffee as a comforting backup plan again.)  Any suggestions on the best way to brew tasty boat coffee?

In the endless inner struggle to define myself as either a Racer or a Cruiser, score one more on the side of Cruiser.

and the winner is...

Now that I've let the anticipation build for, what, several months now?... I'm here to announce the winners of the guessing game:

Best Guess from a Budding Entrepreneur

"I'm guessing A [a new hose for my overworked basement dehumidifier], but I love the idea of B [Colonics! The Home Game] and think it will sell in great quantities in certain parts of California." -- Greg Andkris

Best Guess by a Family Member

"It is a urinary catheter for a very small man so he can sail, drink and pee all day without leaving the tiller." -- "your baby brother"

My Personal Favorite and Overall Winner

"One end connects to your pocketbook and the other to your boat so that money can be siphoned directly into your a) passion b) obsession (select appropriate choice). Very efficient." -- John

This apparatus is actually a fancy new suck-free siphon for removing the water from my bilge without risking the ingestion of yucky, germ-filled, maybe even brain-eating amoeba-filled bilge water. Mike and Richard guessed correctly!

To recognize John for this honor, I'd like to write an article about him. John, are you the very kind sailor who offered me a moonlight sail on SF Bay and the opportunity to kiss the boy of my choice while sailing underneath the Golden Gate Bridge?! (Note: This has little, if anything, to do with the fact that John won the contest.) If so, John, I have your e-mail address and will get in touch to conduct an interview with you. Let me know, 'kay? Congrats to the winners and thanks to all who participated!

The Must-Have Sailing (and Life!) Accessory

Warning: Carnage alert!!

I finally found the much-heralded personal protection device of my dreams: the tennis racket bug zapper thingy! This precious gadget was recommended to me by my friend Pat at the club, but I hadn't been able to find one 'til this evening during my annual/awkward visit to Harbor Freight. It was only $4.99!!! (not including the two required D-sized batteries) But really, people, can you truly put a price tag on effective protection from (overt or potential) attack by the vicious members of Subphylum Hexapoda?!

Of course, I couldn't wait to try out my new toy -- er, tool. I put the batteries into the device (a fine product of The People's Republic of China) and read the instructions that were written, for my convenience, in proper Engrish. Since I live in a drafty 100 year old house, there's usually a critter or two lurking about (ready to pounce) ... but surprisingly I could not find any potential zap-ees inside or outside my house. (By the way, as I went outside, I made a promise to myself that butterflies will always be off-limits from the tennis racket bug zapper thingy. This is my solemn vow. And probably boys will be off-limits, too... I guess.) Anyway, as I re-entered the house, a bit crestfallen, I thought 'A-ha! There is ALWAYS a spider or two in the basement!' So I gleefully made my way down the basement stairs, eager for the kill.

After some searching, I located a couple horrid 'basement spiders.' I moved into position, pressed the little red button, and then gently tapped the spider with the business end of the racket.

!!!!! KA-POW !!!!!!

It was a mini-explosion, complete with fireworks and a shockingly loud POP!!! It was so, um, shocking (sorry), that it brought a startled yelp to my lips! After all that, I couldn't believe it when I saw that he/she was still showing signs of life. (Although I'm pretty sure he/she was surely wondering, 'what the h*ll just happened and BTW OMG WHERE ARE MY LEGS?!?!') I applied a couple more precise strokes and mercifully put the spider out of its misery.

Sadly, this first kill did not satisfy my newly-realized lust for blood (er... um... lust for whatever it is that spiders have inside them.) I quickly located another basement spider, and - with a murderous grin on my face (something, come to think of it, I may need to further explore via prayer and reflection?) - I deftly applied my new plastic Chinese appliance to the nasty critter who lives (lived!) behind my washing machine.

Again with the mini-explosion!!

Again with the loud POP!!

Again with the fireworks!!

Again with the startled YELP!!

Wow - this is one powerful gadget. It opens up a whole world of insect self-defense empowerment for me! Oh, the possibilities!! I wonder if it works on SLUGS? I wonder if it is dangerous to use in the RAIN? Oh what fun I will have discovering the endless possibilities! I, Christy, will never again live in FEAR.

Sigh - my Blackberry, my boat, my dog, and now my plastic Chinese tennis racket bug zapper thingy.... what else does a gal need?

current season's score

Whilst working on some boat projects over the weekend, I opened the forward hatch to get some air circulating in the cabin. I apparently disturbed a wasp (a mud dauber?) and that little sucker stung me! Yowch! I hadn't been stung by something in years, and the pain of the sting was almost as disturbing as the knowledge that...

...a bug had touched me.

From the relatively safe confines of the cockpit, I reached into the cabin and found my trusty can of Garden Fresh Scent RAID and my boat hook, and I prepared to do battle. I hate chemicals, but I hate bugs even more. It seemed like the wasp -- or one of his buddies -- was still lingering around the hatch. I stepped onto the dock and crept up to the bow of the boat. I used the boat hook in my left hand, with leverage from the lifeline, to pry up the hatch. I screamed like a little girl, of course, when a wasp came flying out, but I held my ground and sprayed him with the RAID and finished him off with the boat hook. HA!!

I lifted the hatch again and saw with great horror that a little nest with a couple more wasps in it was nestled on the cabin top under the edge of the hatch. I sprayed the nest (again with the simultaneous scream) and quickly dispatched both of the remaining wasps and their former home.

Naturally, the newly-exterminated hatch rim provided an excellent opportunity to thoroughly clean the area with Method's Pink Grapefruit Non-Toxic, Not-Animal-Tested Spray Cleaner, the official all-purpose cleaner of Central Air. Mmmm... Very nice! A clean boat is a happy (and faster?) boat.

I wouldn't consider this bug problem to be on the same horrifying level as my friend Edward's uninvited guest from last season, but it was fairly traumatic. I was pretty pleased with myself for not calling in male assistance (although I guess I did call my favorite boy to whine about it afterward.)

Anyway, this is what it looks like after you sting Christy:

The current season's score is:

Wasps: 1

Christy 3